On a recent afternoon commute, I began mentally writing an instruction booklet for Boston drivers. When I (finally) arrived home, I posted on Facebook that I was writing said imaginary book, and asked for suggestions. I’ll share them with you here, but what I really want to know is: what’s the title of the chapter you’re contributing to this fine piece of literature? Any driving habits in your area that drive you crazy? Odd to think that just a year and a half ago, my biggest driving
pet peeve was when I got stuck behind a tractor (that’s an actual farm tractor,
not a tractor-trailer, for the record) and couldn’t pass.
Here’s the post (edited to remove comments that were not chapter titles):
AS: Mentally writing an instruction book for Boston drivers. Working title: “How to merge without bringing two lanes of traffic to a standstill.” Chapter 1: “Get out of the right lane, Moron!”
CW: Chapter 2 “Did you just use your baby and stroller as a battle ram against oncoming traffic?! I’m calling CPS.”
DP: Chapter 3: “That little lever on the left is called the Turn Signal. Use it.”
AS: Chapter 4: “When merging, it’s helpful to leave space between your car and the car in front. Two rows of cars side-by-side in a single lane, or ‘Merge Chicken,’ tends to slow the process.”
CW: Chapter 5: “The Clustah Fack that is a Red Sawks Game”
AS: Chapter 6: “Stop honking at me! I realize the light just turned green, but until the eight cars in front of me move, I’ll be staying right here!”
CW: Chapter 7 – “How to Triangulate Any Location Using Dunkin’ Donuts: A Map of All MA Dunkin’ Donuts Past and Present”
AS: Chapter 8: Lanes. Are an actual Thing, not a bunch of paint someone spilled all over every single road.
ML: Chapter 9: You can’t use a blowup doll as your passenger for the carpool lane.
CW: Chapter 9 **Addendum** – There are exceptions made for MA’s more revolting neighbors. If you are caught with a blow up doll in the carpool lane, just tell the officers you are in a “Rhode Island Marriage” and they will charge you with only violating decency and not violating the sanctity of the carpool lane.
AS: Chapter 10: If a vehicle with flashing lights and siren is behind you, pull over and let it pass.
KW: Chapter 11 – If you are going to pull out in front of someone like a bat out of hell, you better keep on driving like a bat out of hell and not slow down once you get in front of them
Lastly, a new book idea!
CW: Public Transit Handbook “Chapter 1 – Your Backpack is Not A Weapon, Poles Should Be Shared So Don’t Lean On Them, and COVER YOUR F*CKING MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH: Steps On How to Avoid Getting Murdered on the Way to Work.
Could be just me, but I think CW wins the comment section here (no, I am not CW, but I’m flattered you’d think so). What chapters would you add? Any thoughts on topics for the Public Transit Handbook?